Over the years I have created almost a list of likes and dislikes. For example, I like soccer, the color blue, eating food, and gardening. I don't like the color pink, crowds, shopping, or spending money. I'm realizing that this 'definition' of myself that I've created has limited me from living my life to the fullest.
These last few months have caused me to really look at myself and the life that I am living. I quit working for VIPKID (don't get me started on why) and I have found myself without my sense of purpose. Without purpose, people tend to start to wither. I was trying, I mean I was studying my scriptures, gardening, spending more time with my son...but I've also spent more time in pajamas, and eating junk food. It has also been difficult to feel the spirit. I'm not doing anything that would keep me from having God's spirit with me but my life lately has felt empty.
At the beginning of the year, I had created goals in 4 categories- spiritual, intellectual, social, physical. When I made my goals in the 'physical' category all I could think of was exercise and eating better- which is great things to do but it felt like a forced goal. Something to just fill the spot.
I've been inspired by a few of my siblings, friends, and other relatives to work on my self-care and I realized that our self-care is part of our physical being! Duh! I also read a great talk recently that has inspired me as well. I've rewritten my 'physical' goals. I still have exercise and eat better (I came up with an actual plan though) and then I added self-care goals.
There are things I didn't grow up learning- dressing nicely and makeup. That's not anybody's fault. I grew in a family of 7, we were all homeschooled. It was easier, I am sure for my mom to not wear makeup. It was also cheaper to only shop at thrift stores. Don't get me wrong, I will always love my thrift store treasures but I have only worn clothes that used to be someone else's.
My new goals include:
Learning how to do makeup- what products go well with my skin type and for my style, learn how to use them correctly.
Hair- try new styles, go to an actual salon, and get it cut. Spend the money to look nice.
Dress- go to a real clothing store and ask for help (because I don't know what I am doing!). Go through my current closet and throw away the clothes I've kept since high school, anything with holes, or things that I don't love wearing.
Be willing to try new products, smells, or brands. Ask for suggestions from others.
I realized that I have many people at my fingertips who have this kind of knowledge and I am sure they would be willing to help me revitalize my life!
The first step I took was shopping. On a whim, I went to #Maurices and begged one of the employees to help me look good and to feel good (I might have cried too). It was an incredible experience! I spent some money and I felt hot in the clothes I bought. I got colors (no more gray T-shirts), and I felt so comfortable being in that store. It was the most money I have ever spent on clothes, let alone myself. I figured that I wouldn't be spending tons of money on clothes all the time. I'll be going back to visit Maurices again.
Makeup turned out to be very fun. I like to paint and so playing with my makeup has actually been enjoyable! I bought eyeshadow for the first time (it has always been gifted to me). I picked out some different colors then what I had. I've watched a lot of tutorials lately and so I just started messing around with my makeup more.
I actually get up in the morning and get ready for the day! I haven't really done this since my freshman year of college (About 6 years ago). I definitely feel more put together each day. And I don't do full makeup every day, sometimes I just do mascara and that still feels really good.
I'm learning that it's ok to spend some time on yourself, it doesn't make you vain or selfish. It means you value you! I like treating my body well. I feel pretty again.
A haircut was next. I got caught up in the #quarantinelife and dyed my hear purple and then green. It has been really really fun to have colors in my hair. I have also been growing out an undercut for the last 9 months. My hair has finally gotten to a decent length that I feel comfortable cutting it all one length. So this means that I haven't gotten a haircut in over 9 months as well. I've been to a salon for a grand total of 4 times. It is hard to trust people. But I've played with my hair enough to finally realize that hair is fixable!
Short hair! It's all one color and the dead ends are gone and it feels great! I had my hair done at Styles and Smiles Family Salon. This salon is a local business, family-owned. I was pleased with the way I was treated. I do miss my long hair but, my hair is now healthier so...It will grow. It really did turn out great and this short hair will work great with my Halloween costume! (Oh yes, we are excited)
Self-care is ongoing of course. I'm grateful that I've been able to learn some new things about taking care of myself. It feels good. It really is ok to take care of yourself and to feel good.
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